The accident left me a changed man, little more than a shadow of what I’d once been. I can’t satisfy her anymore. She needs a real man.
My wife is so good to me and all I want is for her to be happy. I can see it in every moment when she’s around me. She loves me, but I can’t be the man she needs.
I caught her staring at him, peering through the bathroom door and watching him shower. Our tenant is everything I’m not, young and handsome and powerful. She wants him and I know he can be enough.
It took all the courage in me to admit to her that I want her to have him. It took everything I had to set this moment up. Now they’re so close to one another and I realize that this isn’t just for her.
Because when he pulls her in my body aches for what’s yet to come. When he kisses her it breaks my heart but I’d never dream of putting a stop to this.
I hate myself for my weakness but even more I hate myself for my needs. For the dark desire within me that wants to watch.
I’m begging him to satisfy my wife, but it’s my own satisfaction that is screaming out for more.
Excerpt
“I think you should sleep with Travis.”
Of all the ways to make this happen, that was the wrong choice. It wasn’t in my plan because it was far too blunt a choice, far too stupid a way to put it.
Alissa tensed, her hands stopping their movement immediately. I could feel her body stiffen and my own eyes went wide as my gaze burned a hole in her shoes, completely unwilling to look anywhere else.
“You’re gonna have to try again with that,” she said, “I don’t… I think I must have misheard you.”
There was a note in her voice that changed everything for me. It was a subtle thing, easy to pick out but difficult to understand unless you knew Alissa and were familiar with her.
Because the quiver, the quaver in her voice, could easily be misconstrued as fear. It sounded like fear, with that little bit of halting uncertainty, and fear very well might have been present there. But if it was, it was the fear before leaping out of a plane to go skydiving, the fear before the roller coaster rolls over the top of the first hill, the fear when you’re waiting at the starting line with every single muscle tensed and ready to erupt with force and power and speed. It was anticipation of something great edged by the knowledge that all great things come at the potential of a terrible sacrifice.
She was excited but didn’t want to show it.
“I saw you last night, after. You took so long and I came searching for you and I found you outside the bathroom. I saw what you were doing.”
I looked up and saw the horror on her face and I wanted to comfort her, to let her know that it was all going to be alright.
Reaching for her quickly I held her to keep her from running, my words spilling forth faster in a rush to get them out before she ran, “I don’t care. I don’t. Not one bit. I know what you need and I know where my limits lie and I know that he can do things for you that I can’t but that you’ll still love me.
“Alissa, I want you to do this. I want you to do it for yourself and for me. Because you will be satisfied and I’ll know you’re satisfied and that is satisfaction enough. I love you, but I know that you need more than I can give.”
“Ed this is crazy,” she said and then she lied, “I don’t need that.”
“You do,” I insisted, “You don’t need to lie to me. My feelings aren’t hurt, I’m a big enough man to admit when there is something that I can’t do.”
“Ed,” she protested, but her uncertainty was weakening and that horror in her eyes had given way to the slightest possibility that she might have what she’d denied herself for so long.
“Alissa you know you want this and I know you want it. So why bother playing games? Why not just give in? Just take it? Just have it? We both know that we both need it.”