I’ve always wanted to be a girl. I never wanted to be caught as one.
For me, SWITCH was about a life that I knew I should have lived. It was about a body I should have been in all along. It was about accepting myself, even if I knew no one else would.
After years of waiting and saving I finally got to be her and god she was worth it. Even if I only had a few days in this body I was going to enjoy every moment of it, right up until the point where he arrived home unannounced.
My roommate is a good guy, but this is surely past his limit. He’s been so nice to me, but he’s never known the real me.
And when I’m standing in my new body, shocked and so exposed, I expect so many different things from this lothario that I live with. I expect so much and so little, but I never expect this.
How kind he is. How calm. How accepting. How hot and handsome.
This body was about feeling right in my own skin, it was never about the touch of another body on mine. It was about spiritual satisfaction, far more than physical.
But now that I’ve found a man who can love me for who I truly am, I know precisely what it is that I need.
Excerpt
I’ve never been with anyone before. A virgin by any definition and multiples of them all at once. Never been kissed. Never found that kind of love. Never… But maybe.
I’d just never considered it, you know? I mean I was stuck in a body that I didn’t love and some days it was like I could barely even stand to be touched. Sometimes it was just that even the thought of someone laying their hands on my skin made my own skin crawl.
But that wasn’t a problem anymore. I was home, in my own skin finally, and all I could think about right now was the fact that he wasn’t touching me.
Leading me to the table he’d been careful to keep his distance. Being the gentleman, being ever so polite. Being the kind of guy who didn’t want to take advantage and me being a woman wearing barely anything at all, it was understandable.
And I wasn’t sure where I stood on the spectrum. Gay or straight or bi or pan or what? I didn’t know what I wanted out of this life, didn’t know what I preferred. I’d been so preoccupied with finding my right form, with finding a body that I could bear to be touched in, that I didn’t know who I wanted to have touching me.
Luke. The fact that it was him was unavoidable. He represented two halves to me. Both the right and the wrong and there were an equal number of reasons to pull back and not to leap forward. No, that’s really just another lie. There is only one real reason that matters.
I don’t want to lose him. I couldn’t bear to lose him. Not now that I’d finally realized how much I needed him in my life.
And yet, I don’t think I could help myself. I don’t think there was any way to avoid the needy signals screaming out beneath my skin. I think I knew that choice, in this matter, flickered away for a moment. Maybe it was destiny and fate that took the wheel instead.
He told me that I was worth the wait and that sounded like a starter pistol to me. I pushed forward, crossing the gulf between us as I arched my back and ducked my head up close to his. My hands were on the edges of my knees, fingers curling into my skin, as I moved close enough that I could smell the scent of his cologne, could see the stubble on his chin just barely starting to break through the surface. I saw him pause, his lips parting a little just like mine as both our eyes flickered closed and we gave out a slight sigh, a mutual one, before our lips connected.
It was my first kiss. I don’t know that any other would ever match up.