Kimi is a beautiful dream. A legend who may or may not be real.
The rumors had been going around campus for years. A woman who sought out men who needed her to give them their firsts. A woman to fulfill the desires of men, their potent needs.
She is beautiful. She is a delight. She is joy and pleasure and for one blissful night, she belongs to them.
I never thought my roommate would buy into the legend. He was handsome and successful and rich, why would he even care if a girl like that existed? Turns out he needed her. Turns out he’d never had his first.
I have a secret. I know that Kimi is real.
I know because I’ve been her for years, transforming my body into beautiful women and giving myself to men in need. By day I am a man but by night, for so long, I’ve been her. But I’d never in a million years thought that I could be with him.
My roommate is a good man. My roommate is in need and I’m the only one who can help him.
Kimi is the only one who can help him, so Kimi is who I’ll need to be.
Excerpt
“All my life I’ve had anything I ever wanted, without having to work for it. All I have to do is ask and people will give it to me, they’ll bend over backwards to make me happy in the hopes that I will send a little wealth their way, and they’ll bask in what they see as reflected glory, but I don’t see myself that way.
“I see a man who has always had a backdoor to the stage. A man who could coast without worrying, because he always had a safety net. I wanted to prove myself, here in this school, but I don’t know if I did.”
I want to tell him that he absolutely did. I want to reassure him that he had my admiration because of who he was, not because of the weight of his bank account.
But Kimi didn’t know any of that, I did. And we were two separate people.
“It’s dumb, probably,” he went on, “But I saw your ability to pick out the good in people as a chance for me. If you saw me as someone who was worthy of your attention, well maybe it meant that I had done something for myself.
“I guess I didn’t buy into any of the other rumors about you. Don’t think you’re a ghost or a ghoul, but I think that you know enough about people to be able to tell them whether they’re good or bad at heart.
“I wanted you to tell me that I was good. I wanted to know it, for sure and for certain. I wanted to feel like I had something in life not because of my name, to know with absolute certainty whether or not I was worthy.”
“Oh Rich,” I said, reaching up with my other hand and caressing his cheek gently, “I’m not who you think I am.”
“You know though,” he countered, “You always know.”
This was all wrong. This wasn’t the way this was supposed to go. This moment was about more than boosting his confidence, it was about reassuring a deep-seated pain and insecurity that ran through the heart of him. I think it was well above my pay grade.
“Rich I know that you’re a good man,” I said, “I have seen you be so good to people. I have seen that you don’t need my help at all, not even just as a reassurance. You don’t need outward confirmation to feel like you’re worthy.”
I pressed on his chest, “That comes from within.”
He smiled. I don’t know if my words helped at all but he smiled and it was the first time I’d seen that in days. God, he was so handsome when he smiled.
“So I guess we’re not going to do this then,” he said, “I mean I fully understand. I get that this isn’t part of the deal, of what you signed up for. I think I’ll try to keep your words in mind and I hope that they’ll help, but I guess I’ll say goodbye.”
“So soon?” I asked him, “I didn’t say I was going anywhere.”
I stepped forward, balanced on my tiptoes, and I pressed my lips against his. I felt him hold fast, tightening at the realization that I was kissing him and so I held it a moment longer, basking in the attention.
“You said I didn’t need you,” he whispered against me when I fell back.
“You don’t need me,” I confessed, “But I need you.”