I never meant for it to go this far. I was just trying to help.
For me, Finn Burgess has always been the cute guy across the hall. The kind of guy who jumps from one long term relationship to another. The kind of guy that you don’t just have a one-night stand with.
But when he tells me he needs help. When he tells me that he’s insecure, that he’s inexperienced. When he confesses what he’s lacking in his life, I just know that I can help him out.
So the idea was simple. Finn had no interest in me as I was, as Ulysses, but he would be unable to resist me as Adessa. I’d become his dream girl and I’d give him a night to remember. One that would last forever and solve every one of his worries because while Finn was an expert in being a good guy, I was an expert in one-night stands.
But Finn doesn’t know what the plan was, and he’s not cooperating. He keeps trying to date me while I keep on throwing myself at him. He keeps on falling for me, and me?
This isn’t about love. This was never about love. I’m not the kind of person who falls in love.
But even I can’t deny the simple fact that my heart beats faster when he looks at me. Even I’m having trouble ignoring the fact that, when he kisses me, my heart skips a beat.
I didn’t start this to fall in love. And I’m not in love with the cute, handsome, charming guy next door.
Right?
Excerpt
It is nighttime but the city is alive when we hit the sidewalk and I turn him to start walking down the road aimlessly. I’m wiling away the time now, no particular plan or direction in mind.
“Can I ask you a question?” he pipes up beside me.
“Sure,” I say, “Anything.”
And that’s a lie. Well, kind of. He can ask me any question but depending on what it is he may or may not get an honest answer. And even at best he’ll only get part of one, a little piece of one that will always be at least half-built on Adessa and the fictional history that I gave her.
“Why not coffee?” he says, “Why dinner instead?”
When we’d talked on the phone I’d immediately shut down his offer of a coffee date. I’d been so abrupt about it that the conversation had quickly moved on, but clearly it was a sticking point for him.
“I don’t know,” I reply, and it’s not the truth but it’s closer to it, “I’m not a big fan of the coffee date, I guess.”
“Oh well that’s good then,” he quips, “I figured maybe you were secretly a vampire or something like that.”
“I am,” I smile up at him, batting my eyes, “And I can offer eternal youth but you’ll never see me in sunlight.”
“That’s a shame,” he stops us and turns, reaching a hand up to gently brush a strand of hair out of my eyes, “I think you’d look lovely in the sunlight.”
PERSONAL RULE: Don’t ever see them in the sunlight. Don’t wake up in their bed the next morning. Don’t let the daylight fall on the skin of a body on SWITCH. Give your feminine self the benefit of mystique. Let yourself be a creature of the night, all the better for dark shadows and intrigue.
“Where are we going now?” he asks me, “What do you want to do? Should I say goodbye here or-“
“No,” I reply quickly, cutting him off with a firm shake of my head, “I don’t want to go. Not yet.”
Finn swallows hard and he’s so close to me and I’m staring into his eyes and I’m unable to tear my gaze away. And his hands are on my hips now and the world is rushing around us but when he asks me what he asks me the whole torrent of it goes silent for a moment.
“What do you want then?”
I know. I know.
“Kiss me.”
He doesn’t hesitate this time and he doesn’t push me away. He doesn’t give me his card and then awkwardly bow in the charming little way that I’ve replayed a dozen times or more in my memory, a moment that never fails to make me smile.
No, he kisses me. He leans in and my eyes flutter shut and then I feel his lips on mine and it’s sudden and intense and I melt into him.
I feel so soft in his strong arms and I feel the natural inclinations, the natural movements, of this body take over. I mewl a little as I feel him wrap himself around me and I let my fingers curl against the firm solidity of his chest as I sigh into him and let his lips linger for a moment on mine.
And I’m not thinking, for the first time I’m not thinking or planning. I’m lost in the moment and only when he parts do I realize that it’s happened.
Foot pop. Kicked up away from the sidewalk. And it’s such a bad sign but I don’t mind.
“Take me home now,” I say, “Let’s have a drink at your place to cap off the night.”
“Adessa,” he says cautiously.
“Please,” I beg him, “I don’t want tonight to end quite yet.”
“Oh Adessa,” he says, panic and a little fear behind his eyes but he spins me and places his hand on the small of my back and leads me away all the same, around the corner and to his car.
PERSONAL RULE: Don’t fall in love. This is not about love. This is not about love. You’re a romantic at heart and you are so very fragile so always remember that this is not about love.
This is not about love.
And I am not in love.
Right?