All year I’d been walking in a haze, fantasizing and dreaming during my waking and sleeping hours. It consumed me, always variations on the same fantasy. Me. Exposed. Fully.
But it was always a fantasy. Every day and every time it happened it turned out to be just a dream, and I had no idea that anything would ever change.
Today it feel so intense, so real. Today it seems present and pressing. Today it feels like it’s really happening. But it can’t be.
I can’t be fully bared on campus? Can I?
Excerpt
This year though, things were different. In the hazy half-sleep my world was becoming I found more and more that it was easy to slip into the sorts of fantasies that would often preoccupy my mind for days on end.
Simple things like showering with the door open would escalate by degrees the more I thought of them until I was showering with the door open and stepping out to dry myself in the open of the bathroom. Then the bathroom was filled with bodies, men and women alike taking in the sight of me before the dream escalated again. Now I had forgotten my towel, walking out of the bathroom and down the long hallway to my room completely nude and dripping wet. Then the bathroom I was in was on a different floor, one that necessitated me taking a crowded elevator for so many floors while so many people got on and off and I was crushed in the midst of them, hands sneakily feeling me and building heat in my body until by the time the speaker dinged with my floor I was practically panting with need.
A heat in my body that was half from exposure and half from the need to be exposed. Add in a dash of physical contact and my mind reeled with the possibilities.
What started one day as an idle thought while showering had turned into a full-fledged fantasy that occupied my thoughts to the point where anytime I so much as walked down one of these hallways I was practically panting and struggling to contain myself. To the point where in spite of the fact that I could feel the clothing weighing on my body I still saw myself in the hazy dream of being naked, still blushed and walked with the humiliation of being so exposed.
No one stared and yet I saw them staring, saw their eyes drilling into me and seeing me like this no matter how much I tried to cover up. Time and again it would leave my heart pounding and leave me throbbing with desire as I slammed the door to my private room shut behind me.
No amount of self-pleasure could satisfy me. I could spend hours in my bed with my hands on my body, squeezing my breasts and dipping my fingers between my thighs and I could bring myself to shuddering orgasm after shuddering orgasm and still the desire would play in the background of my mind. An insistent reminder and a tiny voice telling me that no matter what I would do to myself I would be completely unsatisfied until I gave in.
Give in, it would whisper to me, persisting throughout every moment of my waking and sleeping. Give in to what you know that you want. It would be so fun to give in to those satisfactions, to finally satisfy the urges you’ve had for as long as you can remember.
Think about all of those eyes on you, seeing the body that you try so hard to keep under wraps. Think about all of that time you spend in the gym finally paying off for someone other than yourself. Think about them all seeing you and wanting you and craving you.
You know you want it.