She blindfolds me and takes me by the hand. She leads me upstairs and ties me down. She tells me tonight will be special but she keeps me in the dark.
There is a darkness inside of me, a part of me that I hate and have kept hidden from everyone. I see it as a weakness, a secret fantasy that I keep all to myself because the one time I came even close to experiencing it I knew that it had the potential to decimate my world.
I hear them moving but the blindfold makes it impossible to see. Two bodies in the darkness coming together right there in front of me. My wife. Someone else. All I can do is tremble with anticipation.
It’s weakness to want to watch your wife with someone else. It isn’t good and it isn’t right. I hate myself for the need in the dark corners of my soul. I hate myself for my cravings.
And when the world comes into blinking light in front of me I see what she has planned. My beautiful wife and that handsome man in front of me, ready to do anything.
I want to fight against it, to rail and protest and say it isn’t me. I want to beg them to stop but my tongue doesn’t work.
My wife knows my secret now and she is going to make me watch.
Excerpt
Not once since they started did they look at me. Emily had eyes only for him and he stared down at her with a possessive sort of glee that I just fixated all of my attention on that point of connection between their two bodies. I focused on it, diving in and starting while my cock throbbed with need and my arms tensed, eager to break their bonds.
Not to stop this, but to satisfy myself.
I hear a laugh, a deep and throaty chuckle. I look up and Ryan is staring down at me and he addresses me for the first time, cruel humor in his voice.
“You lot are all the same,” he says, “You push and you push for everything in life. You devote yourself so wholeheartedly to your work and your image and it’s all so no one sees the you that you keep hidden. The weakness inside of you.
“I don’t own my own business. I don’t have a big fucking fancy house. One of your suits probably costs more than my whole wardrobe but you know what I do have?
“I have strength. I have honesty. I may not be rich, but I’m not living a fucking lie.”
Without breaking eye contact with me he tugs Emily off his cock and pulls her to her feet. She whimpers and reaches for him and he pulls her in, kissing her hard while he stares at me.
Then pulling her away, turning her away from him and turning her towards me. Holding her at arm’s length while she gasps, while she writhes, while she begs him for more.
“One taste of my cock and your woman is mine again,” he explains, “One taste and she remembers what it’s like to get fucked by a real man. God how unsatisfying it must be to be your wife. Your poor wife, having to keep herself happy with the cobbled-together scraps of your fake strength.”
I open my mouth to speak, he cuts me off.
“What? Are you going to tell me it’s not true? Are you going to tell me this is all a mistake? Are you going to tell me to get the fuck out of your house and out of your life? That you can satisfy her more than I can? Are you really going to fucking lie to me?”
I’m not.
I say my words. I say my piece. I speak for the first time and all it does is expose the real me.
Because all I do is beg.
“Please.”
Ryan smiles. Emily looks shocked.
Maybe there was a part of her that was holding out hope that this whole display would prove her findings wrong. That once I saw her with another man I wouldn’t want it. That I’d prove to be the man that she married, that she thought she signed up for a lifetime with.
But I’m not that man.
I’m weak. I’m broken.
I’m a slave to my dark needs and they are telling me one thing and one thing alone.
“Fuck her. Please fuck her. Please satisfy her. You’re right. You’re both so fucking right I’m nothing and I can’t do it myself so fuck her. She wants it and I want it and we all know you can satisfy her more than I can. Fuck her. Please fuck her. Just let me watch.”
Nail. Coffin.
There is no coming back from this.