I love him but he makes my life hell sometimes. His jealous insecurities clash so harsh with my natural inclinations, and though I know I’ll never cheat on him I know we can’t keep this up.
It happened again at the bar tonight. A guy chatted me up for all of two sentences before my husband burst in between us with his bluff and his bluster and his possessive jealousy.
I stormed out angry and when we got home I set an ultimatum. Our two personalities clashed once more, neither of us willing to back down until we made the other lose.
The game is simple and it involves three of us. My husband, my oldest friend, and me. My husband gives the orders and we have to obey and when we’re told to stop, we stop.
But the moment I feel the hands of another man on my body I know stop is the last thing I want to hear. My body is craving this, the touch of someone else. And it’s wrong but it feels so right.
I can see it in his eyes, in the eyes of my husband. He’s staring at us now with such blatant need that I know that stop isn’t something he’s going to be able to say tonight. I know now that the bluff and the bluster that he’s kept up for years was only ever a cover.
We all want this. This is going to happen. Even if it burns our world to the ground.
I Can’t Help Myself! is a sizzling, intense, and darkly delicious story that is told from the perspective of both a cheating wife and her husband who can’t look away. This steamy story is only for adults.
This dark story contains infidelity, cuckolding, and a happily ever after that is anything but simple. If you are uncomfortable or offended by cheating spouses then this book may be too much for you.
Excerpt
Trey takes his seat in full view of my husband and I start to move. I don’t need the specifics, I know what he’s looking for.
He’s asking me to grind on him, like I’m some trashy stripper playing an easy mark. So I give him what he wants, not understanding why he hasn’t called this yet.
For a moment when he said stop I thought it would be over and in that moment the pang of regret I felt was palpable. I know I did a good job covering it up, was a good girl who broke apart without hesitation and made it look like all I wanted in this world was him.
But the truth was that dancing with Trey was driving me crazy. When I felt his hand brush against my breast and when I felt his lips on my neck I had to fight back a moan because I knew it was wrong, even if it felt so right.
And when Roger told me to dance for Trey I got a thrill of excitement. I was glad I could turn away so that I didn’t have to concentrate on keeping my face an impassive mask as I swung my hips and let my hands play against my sides.
I trace the lines of my body and Trey, he plays his part so well. He looks up at me with such undisguised lust that it makes me think he might really want me, but surely he has to know this is a step too far.
Our first meeting comes back with more clarity now and I realize that Trey used the same line on me back then that the guy tonight did.
“Can I buy you a drink?”
It’s always been my favorite line because it speaks to such a confidence in the man who uses it. No fake flattery, just blunt and right to the point and god I can appreciate that. It’s a rarity in a world where men come equipped with a book of plays and a host of toxic ideas about how to neg a woman into falling for them.
It was me that made it all about friendship and Trey went along with it like a good little soldier. He became my friend and since then I never really found myself asking whether or not it was really something that he wanted.
I just kind of assumed.
But sitting here now it’s clear that he’s looking at me differently. It’s clear that the possibility, the door, never really closed for him. If he got the chance he’d have me, and tonight he just might have that opportunity.
I spin myself around and bend low, pressing my ass into his lap and leaning back on him. Like we’re at a strip club Trey keeps his hands to himself as I grind back and forth, looking over at my husband across the way who is staring at me with a mix of hatred and need.
My communication with him is silent but clear. I tell him with my eyes that he can stop this at any point. I tell him that he has the final say.
But when he speaks he doesn’t stop it. He utters his instruction at Trey instead.
“Unzip her dress.”