I took a year to work up the courage but now I’m out as her. For the first time in my life I have the courage to be who I want to be.
It’s a need, almost a compulsion. I want to be her. I crave it with every part of me.
I thought New Years would be the perfect night for this. I could slip into the crowd and it would be easier to pass. I thought no one would look twice at me but I was wrong.
They’re all watching me, not because I’m not passing but because they want me. All these men trying to draw my attention and hoping they’ll be the lucky one that gets to take me home.
In the end I don’t choose him because you don’t choose a man like this, he chooses you. Walking over to me with his confident swagger, he makes it clear that I belong to him. He wants me and so he’ll have me. He’ll take me any way he wants.
He doesn’t know my secret, though. He doesn’t know that below this dress I’ve got a little surprise for him. He wants me, but he doesn’t know how much he’s getting.
Excerpt
“I don’t go out to clubs much,” I said, smiling shyly, “Guess I’m not used to it.”
The sound of a voice cut through the music, the DJ blasting out aloud to give people notice that it was one minute to midnight. The announcement almost set off a panic in me, my eyes darting down to the crowd and then up around the space, my mind searching for the perfect way to ring in the new year.
“If you’re looking for a spot to hit midnight,” he said, plucking my glass out of my hands and placing it on the bar, “Then I have just the place for you.”
Without waiting he took my hand in his and drew me out of the darkened VIP. I got the sense that people were watching, that they were watching this happen and that they knew it would, that they knew where he was taking me.
Through a pitch-black door and up another set of stairs, up through a place brimming with metal and machinery and then out another door into the open air, the roof of the club we were in with a perfect view of everything.
The skylight extended on this floor as well, giving us a glimpse down through the VIP darkness into the crush of bodies in the club. But out here we could glimpse the sky as well, not the stars but the fireworks when they set off announcing the countdown and announcing the new year with all its indecisions and all of its potential.
“It’s beautiful up here,” I told him, “Thank you for showing me this.”
He smiled again, this time with a genuine warmth that made me blush a little and feel a little self-conscious. It set me off guard and when the fireworks crackled above I jumped at the sudden flash of light and banging clatter, finding myself falling too quickly into his arms.
The man, my mysterious stranger, tilted my chin so that I was looking up at him.
“Tradition says you’re supposed to share a kiss with someone in the first moments of a new year,” he told me, and then he bent down and followed through.
I was off-balance from the start but he kissed me with such force and such power and such confidence that any chance of finding my footing was lost to me. He was holding me, though. He was keeping me safe and secure in his arms while he drank from my lips and pressed his tongue past my lips to tease against my own.
He tasted a little like whiskey and smoke, but not in a bad way. He tasted rugged and he tasted manly and he tasted, most of all, like he wanted me.
Like he still couldn’t suspect a thing.
It was a little dark up here but when we broke apart I could see his eyes peering eagerly into mine. He looked into me for a moment, his finger caressing my cheek.
“You are so beautiful,” he told me, “Sweet. Innocent. Delicious.”
And he kissed me again before I could say anything at all. He pressed himself against me while he pulled me into him.